I have been sitting here trying to write a blog about what to do with the anger and pain that we experience when something bad happens...I can't!
I am not yet to the place where I can be joyful in this circumstance-my mom's cancer returning! I am not okay with it and I am angry. Yesterday I was reminded by a couple of my friends that it is okay to be angry and to share that with God-being honest with him. So, here it go: I am angry that this is happening AGAIN, I am angry that I am so far away, I am angry that this is happening to the most amazing woman I know...I am angry.
And yet...I TRUST God! I trust what he wants! I trust Him to be in control because He loves her more than I do...which is more than I can imagine because I love her as much as humanly possible! I trust Him to take care of her! I trust Him to heal her (in HIS timing and plan). I HATE that all this is happening more than I can express in words BUT I do TRUST in our amazing God who LOVES us more than we can comprehend.
So, when does the joy come? I honestly don't know yet. I can be thankful that mom was able to catch this in the early stages. I can be thankful that she has a great doctor. I can be thankful that the rest of my family is there for her. But, JOY? Maybe those things I am thankful for - if I can choose to concentrate on them will help bring me the joy that James says I should have. Maybe if I continue to focus on the Strength that Jesus gives us in our weakness I could have that joy that shows up no matter what.
I am still learning how to be joyful in all circumstances...THAT isn't an easy one! I will just try, moment by moment, to lean on God's strength. I will try, moment by moment, to remember that His way is perfect. I will try, moment by moment, to remember that He loves us enough to give his son's life for us. I will try, moment by moment, to remember that our God is GOOD!
Psalm 30:5 says that our weeping my last through the night but joy comes in the morning. I am not sure how long that "night" lasts but I am sure looking forward to the morning!
Thanks for sharing. I am sure your honesty is helpful for others who are on that same path and it will be helpful for me to remember as I too am sure to have those difficult paths ahead. Thanks. We will be praying!
ReplyDeleteI think we seriously overplay the "in all circumstances." I see Jesus telling the disciples they will have sorrow, but joy will come. What kind of people would we be if these kind of things did not upset us? Would the world be drawn to Christ by Christians unaffected by suffering? Many prayers for you and your mother. Refuse any guilt. God hates the pain we still endure as well!
ReplyDeleteLove you all, Greg Brown